I had to stop nursing around 8 or 9 months. I forget when I started supplementing with formula, but right around then was when it became clear that I wasn't making enough, and my previously bountiful freezer stash was dwindling. I went into breastfeeding with the same mindset I had for most of my pregnancy/motherhood experience: "Well, let's give it a shot." And hey, there's always formula. No shame in that game.
What a shitty way to lose weight. I was super stressed going through divorce and trying to balance life. Thank goodness for my friends and family there to prop me up. My dad encouraging me to finish one sushi roll. "Come on, you haven't even finished one roll..."
In the moment, I was partially relieved to regain the personal autonomy and not be a human food bag. Breastfeeding is tough. A few months out of one year old I have a kiddo with a good mouthful of teeth and a penchant for biting - I can't imagine breast feeding for more than a year. Power to the moms that can.
At the same time, twinges of sadness every so often because if there's one thing I love doing, it's helping. I was pumping and before the stress went high, I was going to donate to kids in need. But then it turned out my own little kiddo needed it. I was glad to have a reserve. And really, up until one moment in time, my kiddo was going strong as an exclusively breast fed kid. Pretty neat.
Funnily enough, before I moved and the older milk expired, I warmed up the last few bags from the freezer to make a final bottle. The kiddo took a few swigs and then lost interest. I wound up pouring it down the drain a few hours later. I feel like it's a good natural finale. The kid practically lives on cow milk now.
Never had an issue feeding in public. Had a few comments about formula. Eh. Whatever. My kid's a juggernaut now, so it all worked out.
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