Mom Thought Mondays

Ever have those moments when you wonder "Are you really my kid?". I mean, I gave birth to her and all, but sometimes, I just have to shake my head:

• Dry carbs. No butter on anything. Dry Eggo Waffles, plain uncut bagels, plain bread. DRY DRY DRY. 
• Major chocoholic. Like, you can't even say the word without her asking for chocolate. I don't mind the stuff, but her love of chocolate is admirable.
• Fearless. I was totally a weenie by comparison. She will climb anything and everything, and brushes off a tumble with ease. 

Then there are moments where I totally know she is my kid:

• Oh man do we love pork rinds. I had to throw out a container of pork rinds someone brought over as a gag (little did they know) because we were both eating them too frequently and with too much gusto; AND I didn't want to be the daycare mom packing her kid both organic yogurt and pork rinds. 
• Popcorn for days. She will take popcorn out of my hand, even if we have a big bowl to share.
• She is hecking strong. At first I thought her pediatrician said "Oh wow she is strong" as a generic like they'd say to most kids who fight and throw a fit, but now I think they really mean it after she threw a solid right jab and head butted me while I was trying to hold her so they could check her ears. 

And then there are moments where even I think she's sweeter than I deserve:

• Smooches, and then the most loving pair of eyes and a big smile looking back at me, ready to pepper me with more kisses and hugs.
• She'll count my reps when I'm working out at home and sometimes workout with me (or add more resistance. Oof). Right now she jumps numbers, so her counting reps is great, hehehe. "Ten reps kiddo? Well, I only counted four, but who am I to argue?"
• Seeing her learn stuff. She's putting together sentences now and "Mommy tank you. Thank you mommy" is a big one now, even for little things like getting water. Aww. 

Mom Thought Mondays

Kiddo loves the snow, even when the windchill brings it -5 below. 

There are no sick days for parents, but Baby Shark on loop as my little sidekick requests, snacks in bed, and cuddles are a pretty good second to a sick day and actually sleeping.

There are so many moments I used to get anxious about:

• Will I have to nurse her to sleep forever???
• As it turns out, her getting sick last year around this time and not nursing to sleep was the transition that got us out of that habit.
• Food. OMG what will she eat?
• Some days she eats more than others. Don't make a big deal out of it. Give her something new every now and then when you can, and otherwise she's happy with rice and eggs. You'll figure something out.

And now that we're in the potty training stage, well, I've embraced a few things (Uh, this'll get kind of squicky for anyone who is easily grossed out by potty training, so feel free to skip ahead):

• Bribery: I initially started out with 1 "choc choc" (M&M chocolate) for sitting on the potty, and 2 "choc chocs" for actually using the potty, but then she wised up and learned to ask to go to the potty every time she wanted a chocolate. Smart, kiddo. 
• Electronic Devices: One tiny tablet will buy me a few extra minutes of sitting time for an antsy toddler.
• Not caring too much, and indulging her every time she says the word "potty".
• I was really surprised when she asked to go potty today when I felt super sick (and honestly would have just rather changed a diaper instead of the whole process we go through with getting undressed to go to bathroom), but then she used the toilet seat toddler insert, actually sat on it (she usually attempts to sit on it, screams and freaks out, then goes to her toddler potty next to the tub) and let out a good long whiz. HECK YES I AM BEST MOM EVER MY TODDLER IS USING THE TOILET SOMETIMES. Look, I need to take my victories where I can get them, 'kay?
• That one got two choc chocs and a ton of praise. 

Are there parents that don't get sick of stuff on repeat? Kiddo has watched Baby Shark about eleventy billion times, and I find it kind of comforting, and she's starting to learn repetition and patterns from it, so it seems to have a little value.

Marie Kondo - that series was really sweet. She's the lady that says to get rid of your extra junk and only keep stuff that "Sparks Joy". I basically had to do that when I moved, but it's nice to see other forms of media and celebrity encouraging less stuff, and to have your kids help out. Kiddo's not quite 2, and I've made sure she sees me clean and knows how much I like a tidy place, and she'll now help me put away dishes and put dirty dishes in the sink.

Mom Thought Mondays

Random thoughts from a single mom:

• Why is Daniel Tiger the pied piper of toddlers? 
• Wow, tantums are no joke
• I can see how people cave in to get kids to stop crying, but much like my pregnancy, I try to keep an observational mindset with this to figure out why she's really crying and pick and choose my battles. No cookies or other rewards for a fit, but I don't really care if she thinks she "won" something by asking to eat the vegetables off of my plate instead of her own.
• It is really cool to see her make developmental leaps and learn communication
• Sidenote: This means she understands EVERYTHING I say
• Why does my child think the expensive packets of apple sauce so much better than my homemade apple sauce packets?
• It's hard to tell which one of us likes coloring more
• I don't think I had any preference about what I wore until I was almost done with middle school (trust me, if you see a picture of me from about 7-13, this will be painfully obvious), but there is one pair of pants she is really fond of wearing.
• I really like being single. I get to focus on me and my little Boop, and I've been working for a career that allows me to spend more time with her while still advancing. 
• Sometimes I just think of myself as this nervous 20-something who doesn't really know anything, and then I hear stuff come out of my mouth that surprises even me with how much grown up adult stuff I know, and how I can communicate it. 
• Little things make me feel rich:
• I can keep the heat on high for my little Boop so she can sleep comfortably
• I can buy some convenience foods (like those dadgum fruit and veggie packets) that she loves so very much
• Sushi once every couple of months
• Other than that, I pretty much only buy my underoos new and everything else comes from the thrift store because holy cow things are expensive.
• Last year I was too broke to buy Christmas presents for anyone, and divorce is expensive, but this year I could afford to buy people presents so yay.
• Kiddo went from loving baths to HATING THEM BECAUSE THIS IS SOME KIND OF SATAN WATER GET IT OFF ME AND STOP TRYING TO DROWN ME YOU AWFUL WOMAN. Turns out, all she needed were some bubbles in the water, and bingo bango - the word "bath" has taken on the gravity of "Daniel Tiger" or "Ice Cream" because as soon as I say it, it must be done.

Mom Thoughts

I had to stop nursing around 8 or 9 months. I forget when I started supplementing with formula, but right around then was when it became clear that I wasn't making enough, and my previously bountiful freezer stash was dwindling. I went into breastfeeding with the same mindset I had for most of my pregnancy/motherhood experience: "Well, let's give it a shot." And hey, there's always formula. No shame in that game.

What a shitty way to lose weight. I was super stressed going through divorce and trying to balance life. Thank goodness for my friends and family there to prop me up. My dad encouraging me to finish one sushi roll. "Come on, you haven't even finished one roll..." 

In the moment, I was partially relieved to regain the personal autonomy and not be a human food bag. Breastfeeding is tough. A few months out of one year old I have a kiddo with a good mouthful of teeth and a penchant for biting - I can't imagine breast feeding for more than a year. Power to the moms that can.

At the same time, twinges of sadness every so often because if there's one thing I love doing, it's helping. I was pumping and before the stress went high, I was going to donate to kids in need. But then it turned out my own little kiddo needed it. I was glad to have a reserve. And really, up until one moment in time, my kiddo was going strong as an exclusively breast fed kid. Pretty neat. 

Funnily enough, before I moved and the older milk expired, I warmed up the last few bags  from the freezer to make a final bottle. The kiddo took a few swigs and then lost interest. I wound up pouring it down the drain a few hours later. I feel like it's a good natural finale. The kid practically lives on cow milk now.

Never had an issue feeding in public. Had a few comments about formula. Eh. Whatever. My kid's a juggernaut now, so it all worked out.